the colonel wants you to eat your vegetables

So...herbivores. Funny lot, they. In the absence of meat, they eat a lot of really unhealthy shit to get their proteins. They also tend to eat a lot of salad. That's just sad.

Salad isn't even food. Salad is what FOOD EATS.

As I'm sure you can imagine, I feel awfully bad for my vegetarian friends and the harm they're doing their bodies by denying them the proper proteins that millions of years of evolution demanded.

Fear not, vegematarians! I think I found a loophole in all of this meat-is-murder bollocks: KFC. That's right, KFC. As the urban legend goes, KFC no longer serves chicken. What they actually serve is an abomination of science - a throbbing bit of muscle with no brain that's kept alive through a heavy dose of hormones. (Side note: etymologically, "cock" is suddenly much more descriptive.)

Cool, right? I mean the bit about KFC not actually serving you a real animal. It's just a lab experiment, a happy, happy lab experiment. Sure, it's not any closer to a healthy diet than being an herbivore, but it's certainly better tasting that the other fake chicken products you probably have in the fridge at home.

So there you go,vegetarians. Get out your flags and stick em in the lawn of your nearest KFC. Claim that space for your kingdom. Enjoy your Kentucky fried awesome.